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Channel Surfing with Dreighton Pickner (ad critic) : Jan 2008

First off, a Happy 2008 to all my faithful readers out there on the Internet Superhighway! I just love reading each and every email that you take the time to send in. By the way – Heldstrom Florist was totally jazzed to know that their commercial received almost 100 views on YouTube! Ain’t technology grand sometimes?

I thought this month I’d talk a little bit about what’s been going on out there in La-La Land with the ongoing Writer’s Guild strike.

The Holidays.

Hey there, adkateers. I hope you’ll forgive me for being a few days late on this Holiday Edition of Channel Surfing. It’s been a whirlwind of get-togethers and new business pitches this month. I’ve been trying my best to use the season to my advantage, getting in the door to more than a few Christmas parties of potential clients to get the word out there that I’ve hung the shingle and have been officially open for business.

[check out my holiday video production after the jump!]

Wish I’d Thought Of That, (Part 94!)

I will admit that every blue moon Dreighton Pickner sees an inspired idea out there in adland that makes me stop, smack myself on the head and say “Jeez Louise, Ol’ Boy! You shoulda thought of that one!” The NOID from Dominos Pizza? What a fantastic character! (Notice how part of his name is derived from “Annoyed” but they never say so? Genius!) Or how about that campaign for Six Flags with the dancing old man who gets everybody to go ride the teacups?

I’m going to string you along for one more month before releasing the followup to my “10 Biggest Misconceptions About The Advertising Business.”

Okay, truth is I finished it almost a week ago but my trusty blueberry iMac is having some problems turning Floppy Discs into Fubar Discs! I’ve got my guy Juarez down at Kinko’s working on saving that disc though. It’s good to know someone in the technology sector! In the meantime, enjoy this piping hot bit of Dreighton Picknerian wisdom :

I Heard It On The Radio

Love it or hate it, radio is not going anywhere and I still firmly believe the real test of a writer, an agency, whoever… is their ability to transform a car stereo into a theater of the mind.

Sure, TV is “the way” and lots of buzz is afoot about whether or not the whole internet thing is going to catch on, but to this advertising professional I still say “let’s hear it on the air!” Here’s a few pointers for you fellow ad writers out there reading who want to hone your chops that I’ve picked up along the way.

Compelling Hook!

First off, you need a compelling hook. Something that’ll grab you right from the proverbial “get-go.” Think of a big announcement, like “Big News!” or “This Weekend Only!” that will catch the listener’s ear. After all, when you’re sandwiched between a drivetime dj and the latest Third Eye Blind single, you’re going to need something with IMPACT.

Don’t Sell… Yet!

Once you’ve got their attention you’d think it’s time to get right in there with the sell. Don’t fall into that trap, that’s what they’re expecting! You need to “keep them on the leash” as I’ve been known to say. (I picked that one up from my wife’s divorce attorney, HA!) Get ‘em more interested. Think of asking your listener questions that make them really relate from their own life, like “How would it feel to be able to have more money for things like a cruise or a new deck?” Certainly everyone can! So you don’t want to give away the solution just yet.

Message!

Then it’s really time to hit them with the message. The Big Idea. The life-changing, how-did-I-ever-live-without-this-knowledge moment. What you do to really push this over is let the guys in the recording booth work their magic. They have all sorts of tapes and cd’s of really incredible sound effects and music that’ll make your point be heard loud and clear! Also, they can do really incredible things with echoes and special effects on the VO guys – not just the usual “Alvin and The Chipmunks” stuff but really crazy tricks that can make someone sound like they’re in a church or the Grand Canyon! My guy at StarTrax Music has always been like my ‘Fifth Beatle’ when it comes to doing really outside the box radio.

Jingle!

And never underestimate the power of a good jingle. You don’t hear as many these days, which is too bad, because it can really help relax and make your listeners enjoy what you’re telling them. I mean hey, I can tell you that Bill Black Dodge is having a 4th Of July sale, but if I wrap it up in a patriotic anthem written just for the client, well, that translates to one thing, dear readers, and that one thing is SALES.

Name and Number! Again!

One last thing. Keep that name and phone number on the script as much as you can. I know it can sound kind of silly to hear 1-800 BLA BLAH 5 times in a row, but believe you me, this is the time to grind it in.

And on that note, time for Dreighton here to sign off. Donny’s finally taking my advice and joined a youth soccer league. I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he finds out Ol’ Dad’s not just some nerdy ad guy with a one-bedroom, but that he can hang with the jocks just like his mom’s new special friend! [dp]

The Top Ten Myths About the Advertising Industry, Part I

10. The Best Idea Sells – Whoo, boy, is that a farce! I couldn’t begin to tell you how many times I watched bona fide Dreighton Ingenuity™ die on the vine! Back when YourLogoHere! was pitching for the Areola’s Cantina account (they were a local TexMex joint that were closed down due some Cucarachas) it was between my line “Everybody Say Olé For Areola’s!” and some fresh-off-the-turnip-truck junior copywriter’s “¡Hola Areola!” I watched in horror as they went with that stupid “Hola” line. If they knew it was written by some little strumpet trying to ride on her foo-foo ivy league education, maybe they’d think it through a little more and have gone with the professional’s opinion. But hey, what do I know, right?

09. The Pay Is Great - Maybe for some of those stuffed shirt executives who struck gold with some clever pitch back in the late 80’s (who are yet to see lightning strike a second time.) But for the rest of us, it’s not that great. Before the divorce I was just barely struggling to make the payments on a little 2 bed/1 ba in Des Plaines, what with the kids needing braces and all that high-falootin’ Old Navy clothing that Mom just had to have for them! (I kept trying to tell her that Kohl’s was just fine, but would she listen? Ask my divorce attorney! Wait, don’t ask him – I still owe him three grand!) The point is, you can work your fingers to the bone and maybe get a little $2,000 raise once in a while, even though they promoted that “¡Hola, Areola!” blondie to Associate Creative Director.

08. We “Party All The Time” – Now, I’m not saying we didn’t “boogie down” once in a while at YourLogoHere! – there were a couple of Margarita Fridays where we got into the hard stuff! But the rest of the time it’s like any other job out there. You’re in the door at 8:55 and working away until long after the work whistle blows a lot of the time. Those real estate circulars do not write themselves, folks! Sure, we may be able to wear jeans on Fridays if there aren’t clients coming in and I know more than a few “Senior” type people who’ll wear running shoes or sandals, but if you’re picturing a place with people in shorts and t-shirts throwing pencils at the ceiling tiles, you couldn’t be more wrong. Of course, my entire “inside the game” career was at YourLogoHere!, maybe other agencies are different.

07. Anything Goes! – I know what you’re thinking. You’ve seen some of the crazy ads on TV or heard something on the radio and probably believe that any old crazy idea can sell. And maybe on some of those big money TV campaigns, they do. But advertising isn’t just the glitz and the glamour of doing ads for Burger King and MasterCard! The day-to-day stuff has you “workin’ for the man” and that man is telling you that when Carl’s Pool Emporium wants you to change “Save Big” to “Super Huge Big Savings!” – that you’re going to fire up the old word processor program and do just that. Just because the guys from Toyota can do a whole TV ad that rips off my favorite A-Ha video, doesn’t mean the client projects us mortals get to work on can do the same.

06. “You’re Only As Good As Your Last Campaign.” – Well if that were true I wouldn’t have made it for the last three years at my old gig. Prior to my mutual decision with YLH! management to move onto new horizons, I had hit a bit of a dry spell. It happens to the best of us, even Dreighton Pickner! For those three years the pressures at home were mounting and I couldn’t sell water to a fish. Worse yet, I was even starting to believe the things my ex-wife was telling me about “not being cut out for that line of work” and “being a completely unoriginal, creatively void automaton who’d best serve the professional corridor in the food services division.” But I kept my head up and if you choose this line of work, so too should you. You want your kids to be proud of you don’t you? That next great spark of inspiration could be right around the corner!

Keep it locked here for next month’s installment when I reveal the final five! And a big thanks to Daniel Holter at Burst Labs for hosting this little blogworld of mine. See, networking DOES work! Did you get my resumé, Dan-O? [dp]

Going binary!

Hey faithful readers - welcome back to Channel Surfing, your monthly installment from the blog world of me, Dreighton Pickner – ad guy extraordinaire. It’s been a fun diversion for me to write these little quips and insights about “the game” while I’m setting up my consulting gig from home. Didn’t you hear? It’s the digital age. Armed with my venerable iMac and fax machine, I can stretch out in the spare bedroom and it’s just like the offices back at YourLogoHere!, minus the bureaucracy and chatty receptionist.

And that brings me to this month’s topic: The World Wide Web v2.0. Just five years ago most companies were still trying to get their act together, but nowadays you can’t find a carpet outlet or above ground swimming pool emporium that doesn’t have exclusive online sales and offers! I spent many a meeting at YLH trying to tell clients like Bill Black Dodge and AmeriTrust Loan (sorry about the namedropping) to wake up and smell the proverbial coffee – only to be met with blank indifference. (I sure hope it wasn’t the concept!)

But now, if I were to get a call from either one of those guys I’d have to ask them, “What do you think about the digital age now?” I may wear tacky ties and listen to my Counting Crows a little loud, but I know what I’m talking about. You have to wise up and see what’s going on out there – these trends are not made in cubicles, they’re made out there in the real world.

My son was here for the weekend and I couldn’t help but notice his mother had bought him a brand new laptop “for back to school.” He was showing me how to make an mp3 - ipod mini, anyone?! - when I saw this curious website in the background. (No, it’s not what you’re thinking. He’s got Pickner Pride and that means good judgment, unlike some former Pickners who let their boyfriends buy their way into kid’s lives with expensive trips to Best Buy.) But anyway – he looked at me and practically laughed because I didn’t know what this Myspace thing was.

So later that night after MoneyBags picked him up, I fired up the old cable modem and started doing a little hacking around myself. All I could think after about 20 minutes was “HEL-LO OPPORTUNITY!” Why pay for a website when you can get one on Myspace for FREE? The networking possibilities are endless and there’s thousands of kids on there just waiting to soak up some creative thinking. That Zeke The Cow character from Dunkables Choco-Yogurt Bites could have been on there in a matter of minutes and I’m betting he’d have hundreds of people sending him cybermails within a week!

I’m going to play that one close, it’s too good an opportunity for other ad guys out there to pick up on. But trust old Dreighton when he tells you that the ad game hasn’t seen the last of him yet and he’s still got a few tricks up his sleeve.

Come say “hi!” at my new Myspace page!! [dp]

Welcome again to another edition of “Channel Surfing” – the online weblog for all you ad guys and gals out there in interland!

Last month I talked a little bit about where the ad execs are missing the boat with youth advertising. I enjoyed reading all of the emails and positive feedback you sent! (Maybe you could forward those to some agencies for me?)

This month we’re going to tackle something a little more “nsfw” – and that is… (a drum roll here would be really funny, wouldn’t it?) sex in advertising. Now I know what a lot of people have been saying for a long time: “Sex sells.” But does it? For all those light beer and sports car commercial guys out there, let me just tell you one thing – it doesn’t. I’ve enjoyed many a frosty Coors Light in my day and never once did I find myself surrounded by several bikini-clad supermodels. Nope, just me and the two guys who live in apartment 3 from the next complex over standing over the barbeque, still talking about our fantasy football leagues.

Same thing goes for the car. Last summer I bought a cherry 2002 Miata. It’s not that I was having some sort of mid-life crisis or anything like that, but with the divorce being final and a little bit of change in my pocket thanks to my YourLogoHere! severance package, I thought maybe it’s time to trade that old Suzuki Sidekick in for something with a little more pop. I had told myself it was time to reintroduce the world to Dreighton Pickner, Part Deux! LOL! And this car had “pop” in spades. CD player. Wheel covers. 160 horsepower? Whew!

So imagine how it felt to be cruising down the strip in Skokie, IL where all the happenings go down and have a couple of gals pull up next to me and ask me if my daughter knew I was borrowing her BarbieMobile? What did she even mean by that? Well, she certainly wasn’t coming on to me… at least I don’t think she was. Who knows with those gothics women anyway?

Now, faithful readers – don’t think I bought any Coors Light or Miata because I thought it would make women fall at my feet. I’ve done enough ad jockeying in this life and I think I’m smart enough to know better. But when you put out that message… well, you’re just lying to those poor saps out there who are in a weak and vulnerable state. Life can deal you some pretty bad hands and the last thing any guy needs is to begin rebuilding his confidence just to have it torn up and thrown in his face by some chick with a nose ring on the one year anniversary of his wife leaving him to be with some sports agent.

By the by, if you know anyone who’s looking to get into a sweet little pimped auto, let them know there’s a sweet deal on Joliet.craigslist.org for a miata. Priced to sell, these child support payments are stacking up pretty rough on old Dreighton. [dp]

A big “hello” to all my readers out there in the World Wide Blogo-sphere! Thanks for stopping by for this month’s edition of Channel Surfing – the world-wide-web edition of my weekly newsletter.

As some of you may know, I left “the agency game” a while ago after over a decade of climbing the ranks from junior copywriter to copywriter at Your Logo Here! in Palatine, IL. So it’s fair to say I’ve taken my lumps and have a pretty good eye for what makes or breaks a commercial on the old boob tube these days.

This month I want to talk about youth-targeted advertising. Boy, are you agency guys way off! How do you justify your corner offices and your reserved parking spots coming up with the tired old stuff that you do?

Take Ovaltine for example. You have a product out there that the kids already like – (Who doesn’t love a glass of chocolate milk on a hot day?) so what’s up with this “More Ovaltine, please?” junk? Kids just don’t relate to that kind of thing – asking their mom for stuff and saying “please”? How about cutting against the grain a little, guys? Kids are rebellious, they want to bust loose and play air guitar to some heavy rock with their friends without their parents hanging around.

What about a character from the brand that speaks their language? Ovaltine is chocolate, how about a brown bear that also can ride a skateboard? What about some Hawaiian print shorts and some cool sunglasses for that California surfer look? He could even have a catch phrase – something that uses the kid’s vernacular like “Totally Stoked For Ovaltine!” I don’t know, I’m just ’spit-balling’ as we say in the trade.

It reminds me of a print campaign we did for Splashin’ Safari waterparks here in Palatine. We totally nailed their look with a surfing Polar Bear named “Zack”. The polar bear was a great device for them – on those hot Midwestern Illinois days with the heat index on the climb – kids just took one look at Zack with his trademark shades and said “Cool!”

Or there was the ad for Dunkables Choco-Yogurt Bites where we shot some local kids doing handstand tricks on their skateboards. Our animated brand character Zeke Zebra came on screen in the end of the spot wearing a leather jacket and a baseball hat on backwards and said “Dunkables – Gotta Dunk ‘Em!” It was a few extra bucks to get Alan Thicke to do the voice of Zeke (don’t think we didn’t hear it from the client!) but in the end, it really gave the kids something they could relate to. It’s a shame they didn’t shoot any more spots with Your Logo Here! – we could have really built that brand up to be a winner together.

But listen, it’s not just about the razor scooters and buzz words. You never know with the youth market of today – one minute they’re jamming out to “Rocking Like The Hurricane” and then the next they’re on the school bus with their baggy pants claiming to be big time rap-heads! I try to make the most out of my visits with my eleven year old Donny – he says he’s not really into the stuff the popular kids are - “too busy practicing jazz clarinet”, he tells me. But he overhears things at school and I try to relate as best I can – even with the crazy stuff America’s youth gets into. For example: Did you know that kids are into the punk music again? It’s true! There’s even some bands on the MTV like April Lavigne who are big-time into punking. There’s even a store at the mall where you can get clothes and necklaces and all kinds of rock gear. I’m gonna have to check that out.

Anyways, that’s enough from me – I don’t want to give too much free advice away here. As much as I miss the agency side sometimes I know everything happens for a reason and I’m having fun building up my consultant business here from home. Check back next month, adguys and adgals – maybe I can help teach you a little more insight about the biz! [dp]