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Well, another year is about to leave its muddled footprint in the sands of time, and now it’s time to determine whether or not it sucked, musically. Every blogger in the known universe is posting their Top Ten list and self-consciously fellating whoever Pitchfork has deemed artistically relevant, so let’s try something a little different.

[... and Pitchfork, we kid because we love.]

Hotly Anticipated Album That Turned Out To Be A Waste of Polycarbonate

DJ Shadow : The Outsider

You almost can’t blame Josh Davis for laying an egg. I mean, the man probably goes semi-homicidal when someone begs him to make another Endtroducing…. So what does he do? Practically bait the haters by trying to introduce Hyphy to the masses. Problem is, Hyphy blows, and not even Shadow’s formidable production skills can make it interesting. Simplistic beats, subpar MCs, even Shadow seems to get bored with it and peppers the album with electric blues, a Thom Yorke soundalike, some sort of new age madrigal, and a remix by someone else. Q-Tip and Lateef the Truth Speaker do a yeoman’s service on “Enuff” late in the game, but by then you’re just listening out of respect for Shadow’s previous successes. I’m all for artistic evolution, but The Outsider just reeks of standoffishness. Sorry, Josh, better luck next time.

An Artist Effectively Switching Up His Style

Kanye West : Graduation

A more aptly named album this year there was not. Like DJ Shadow, Kanye probably recoils when people ask for another College Dropout, but instead of stomping off in anger, he gives you something you didn’t even know you wanted. A superstar hip-hop producer sampling Elton John, Steely Dan, Daft Punk, Mountain, and Michael Jackson’s “P.Y.T” sounds like a self-absorbed “Look what I can do!” recipe for disaster. In another man’s hands, perhaps it would have been, but Kanye eats non-believers for breakfast. Trading his Chaka Khan records for a couple of softsynths, West reinvented himself as a futuristic braggart that lives up to his every wild claim. Hell, I didn’t even mind Chris Martin showing up towards the end. If there is a higher piece of praise, I’m not aware of it.

I’m Not Ashamed To Admit I Like

Miranda Lambert : Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

I was pleasantly surprised to see this end up on a bunch of hipster year-end lists. Normally, the blogdom cognoscenti don’t listen to country albums unless they’re produced by Jack White, but Crazy Ex-Girlfriend was hard to deny. Stuffed to the gills with post-Dixies girl power, instantly hummable melodies, non-disposable lyrics, and raw wounds, Lambert manages to be commercially viable and artistically substantial, a daunting task in today’s musical climate. Time and again she manages to be the girl you want to save before she kicks you in the balls. A less gimmicky Gretchen Wilson, she improved on her promising debut Kerosene and nailed it on her sophomore effort. OK, country music, you win… this time.

Makes My Legs Do Funny Things

edIT : Certified Air Raid Material

You know that scene in The Jerk where Steve Martin hears Lawrence Welk on the radio and is overtaken by the urge to dance? That’s what happened the first time I heard the track “Battling Go-Go Yubari in Downtown LA”. Honestly, my head almost fell off my neck and I nearly blew my speakers. Seamlessly mixing glitchy electronic and boom-bap hip hop, edIT crafted an album that deserves its own club, complete with smoke machines and a full liquor license. A baby made while listening to this Certified Air Raid Material would be the coolest infant ever.

Lived Up To An Ocean Of Hype

Radiohead : In Rainbows

No other album was set up to fail as completely as In Rainbows. You all know the story: Radiohead, unencumbered by major label constraints, makes a record in near-secrecy, then gives it away for donations, thus sparking a debate over the value of music. Others have tried this method, and, frankly, overpriced themselves (see: Saul Williams’ The Inevitable Rise and Liberation of NiggyTardust!). As long as In Rainbows hadn’t sucked, it could have been labeled a success. Imagine my surprise, then, when it turned out to be their best album in years! By melding together the fuzzy pop of their adolescence with the experimental tangents of their later years, Radiohead somehow found a way to please everybody. While the album probably won’t convert many new fans, it gave the followers a reason to stick around.

Set The Bar High When The Year Was Young

Mika : Life In Cartoon Motion

Ah, thinking back to the first few months of 2007. 2006 had been a strong year for music, and the afterglow carried me well into February. As the taste began to melt from my tongue, Mika’s perfect little pop confection swooped in to remind me that a new year was well under way. Pop music, when done right, is the most perfect musical artform. When done wrong, you get Fergie. Fun, sweet, moving, memorable, inventive, Life In Cartoon Motion embodied that pop spirit by reinterpreting it without reinventing it. “Grace Kelly” is, in my mind, the best first single by a new artist in recent history, and if “Lollipop” doesn’t leave you grinning like a ninny, your insides are a barren, arid wasteland.

Last But Not Least : 6 Favorite Singles of 2007

6. Mike Viola - Girly Worm
5. Kate Nash - Mouthwash
4. Bright Eyes - If The Brakeman Turns My Way
3. Bedroom Eyes - Norwegian Pop
2. Minus Story - Battle For Our Lives
1. Rihanna - Umbrella (Indie cred be damned!)

I’d love someone to tell me what an idiot I am for not mentioning ____________ . Have at it, and have a great new year. [ms]